Her life demands a conclusion. All circumstances of life fall into one of two categories: Gifts from the hand of the loving Father OR accidents of random, even tragic origin.
This fifth child, the one we did not anticipate, the one of whom we did not dream, at first felt like an accident.
When I learned we would have another baby in the family, I mourned the loss of many nights of sleep to come.
Then we embarked on this grand journey far from home... A tiny girl nestled against me.
Though she was utterly beautiful, still I caught myself imagining the simplicity of life with only four fairly independent big kids. No baby to slow us down.
Do I trust God's goodness? Is this little girl a good gift to me? Is life better with her? Wouldn't it be nice to be rested? Not to have an aching neck from toting her? To have more than three hours to myself before needing to feed?
I look into her bright blue eyes. I hear her sweet giggle. I hold her tiny hand in mine. I whisper her name, Anne Michelle, and wonder how she could be mine.
I give up my illusion of control. My life is not my own. I must rest in Tim's strength, in God's strength to care for these five children.
This little girl, now three months old, is not what I expected. But I want her. I am overwhelmed with love for her.
She is a splendid gift from a loving Father, who knew what I needed, what our marriage needed, what our family needed far better than I would have planned.